It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
