How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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