i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
