Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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