gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
