I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
