Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
