I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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