I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
