Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
