what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
