Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
