you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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