My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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