found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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