you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
two words: eviction party
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
