my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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