Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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