I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
