woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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