Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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