I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
