Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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