for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
the raccoons are back...
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