i think i scared a bird with my dick
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
They have beer where we have blood.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
