I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
