Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
