While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
