Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
