never play flip cup with pint glasses
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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