She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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