hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
