Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
