I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
