Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
