I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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