Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
