I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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