In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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