I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
