If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
