five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
