Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
