Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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