why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
