no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
