You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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