don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
