I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
