Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
