you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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