I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
