Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
