I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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