He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
