I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
