So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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