I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
