Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
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yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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