omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize