So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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