I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
