I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
