Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
