I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
