I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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