I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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