you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
