i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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