In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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