I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Welp...herpes.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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