he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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