if you like me you must not know who I am
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
