she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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