Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
sarcasm needs its own font
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
