You smell like stripper and shame
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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